I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
