I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
