We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
