Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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