Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
