Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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