Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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