I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
