Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
