Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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