And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I still have a little drunk in my system
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
