...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
