Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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