Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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