Got a toothbrush?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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