4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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