I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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