i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
