I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just had sex bonerless
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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