he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
