The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
