Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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