Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
