I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I can text with my tongue
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
