I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm too high and old for this...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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