After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
