Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
