my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
