If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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