Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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