Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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