i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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