like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
