he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
