I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
