I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
