seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
