apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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