im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
