I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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