I got chris browned last night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
