Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
