i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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