I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
