on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
