if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I love you. Go after that dick
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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