he wants to bone in the snuggie
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
