I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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