the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
