I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
