Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
