No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
