Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
