My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
